The Presidential Aspirants present ALICE IN WONDERLAND

As we conclude the year of the most surreal election ever, here is how I would cast -- and otherwise employ -- its candidates in a production of Alice in Wonderland, which is based on the books Alice's Adventures in Wonderland  and Through the Looking Glass by Lewis Carroll.

Alice................Jill Stein
Alice's Sister....Carly Fiorina
White Rabbit..........Rand Paul
Dodo............Martin O'Malley
Bill the Lizard...George Pataki
Caterpillar........Gary Johnson
Cheshire Cat.....Bernie Sanders
Mad Hatter.............Ted Cruz
March Hare........Rick Santorum
Dormouse.............Ben Carson
Queen of Hearts.....HDR Clinton
King of Hearts........Tim Kaine
Knave of Hearts...Evan McMullin
Gryphon................Jim Webb
Mock Turtle......Lincoln Chafee
Tweedledee.............Jeb Bush
Tweedledum..........Marco Rubio
Walrus...........Chris Christie
Carpenter..........Scott Walker
Humpty Dumpty......Donald Trump

Producer:      Lawrence Lessig
Director:       Lindsey Graham
Hair stylist:       Rick Perry

Line prompter:      Mike Pence

Videographer:     Bobby Jindal
Usher:           Mike Huckabee
Refreshment sales: John Kasich
Understudy:        Jim Gilmore